Snap Snap

On an Island in the South Pacific
There is a tribe...
Whose men’s chests are scared with crocodile eyes
To pass the test of boy to man
Bamboo slashed, gashed into their backs
Now he is a crocodile man
Snap Snap

For Phoeb & Josh

Phoebe, Phoebe, give me your chocolate now
I’m just weebly all for the sweets of Phoebe
I can’t afford’it in Harrods
And I’ve never put a thought into marriage
But you’ll look sweet upon a seat of an elephant made of balloons

Joshy, Joshy give me your toy cars now
I’m just a poshy all for the love of toffee
I can’t afford a parrot
And the donkey can’t reach the carrot
But you’ll look neat upon a seat on the curve of the silvery moon

I See Daddy In The Door Way

I see Daddy in the door way
Watching me while I sleep
I can smell his blue stratus and pipe all the time
So I burrow deep into my bed sheets

I can see Daddy in the door way
In the shadows that lurk unseen
In the silence I can still hear him breath deep and loud
As I cover my ears from the deceased

I see Daddy in the door way
And it is no spiritual comfort to me
He’s been gone for six years, playing games with my head
Looming over my bedposts to peek

“I SEE YOU DADDY in the door way”
I miss you too Daddy, I know
But you have to move on and leave me alone
The time it’s taken to accept that you’ve gone.

Daddy step out from the darkness
And say your goodbyes to me
Take away your odours and presance
Go fucking R.I.P

Go To Sleep Little Jess

Go to sleep little Jess
Stop whoring yourself to the page
You don’t have protection
At this game of the stage
You’re out lettered
Out smarted
Your eyelids need a hug
Go to sleep little Jess
Don’t let the bed bugs.......ZZZZZzzZzzzzzZZzZZ

Stephen Fry

You are gay Stephen Fry

And we know it

I don’t mind Stephen Fry
In fact, I adore it

Please be mine Stephen Fry
We’ll eat cheese and drink wine
Stephen Fry, Stephen Fry, Stephen Fry'it!

a LOVE poem

I LOVE....love
And I think LOVE loves me
So lets’ all be in love and be happy as can be
Cause I love a good snuggle
And I love a tasty snog
And admittedly; in the past I haven’t done a good job!
But I proper LOVE....love
And LOVE proper loves me
So lets’ all love each other and be happy as cake and tea.
Cause I love your fat arse
And you love my little tits
And I know in recent years they’ve defiantly sagged a bit!
But I love all of you
And I hope you love every bit of me
So let’s all LOVE love like a boat loves the sea.

I've Got A Crush On Mr Tummus

Oh Mr Tummus from Narnia so
Frolicking around in the dead white snow
You furry little man goat
Drive me mad with desire
Going wild without reason on the cusp of Mount Fire

I love your sexy hooves
All gallant and goatee
Make me weak at the knees
Make me feel all floaty

YOU horny little Narnian
Wait under that lamp
I’ll be through the wardrobe in a snap
To get into your pants.

Does it make me a beast to want you so much?
Your half man for god sake
And yet it's the goat that I want
Your MY Fauny creature from a far away land
And I’d rather ride you
Than that Lion Aslan.

Lucy can push it
Give her to the which
I’ll blow your flute love and several other little bits
So take me Mr Tummus and make me your own
'Cause the world is not the same till you’ve dated a faun.