Dancing With Marie

Her tounge is like a machine gun with fists
And it sputters into action
Giving ya’ 40 licks

Batmans belt couldn’t give ya’ so many lashes
When our kids out drinking with lasses

Medusa locks, all tongs,
Bounce and bob
Getting nasty on ya’ pasty
If you look at her wrong

With more back Lopez
She’ll knock ya’ into next week
Floats like butterfly
And stings like a bee

Ya’ Knar you’ve had a good night
When you’re dancin' with Marie.

Mr Cleaver.

Jesus Christ Almighty
My best friends Dad just seen is in me nighty
And I said out loud
In a high pitched tone
“My Dear Mr Cleaver, I’ve only a slip on”

Holy Mary Mother of God
He fell down the stairs to the sound of me gob
And he shouted out loud
In a whale and a scream
“Miss Johnson you are rude, now put it away”

So, Father please bless me for all of me sins
I’ll never wear a nighty that doesn’t cover me shins.

Fish Tank Blues

I thought I could be naked
Skipping out the bathroom
Reading the Sunday papers
But, no!
A naked blow
No nuddy buddy
Naked in the snow
Dancing
No more.
New neighbours!

I thought I would be naked
Drinking tea exposed
Eating fizzy jellies and Quavers
But, no!
A stripped blow
No barren bums
In my fish tank bowl
Denuded
No more
New neighbours!

Snap Snap

On an Island in the South Pacific
There is a tribe...
Whose men’s chests are scared with crocodile eyes
To pass the test of boy to man
Bamboo slashed, gashed into their backs
Now he is a crocodile man
Snap Snap

For Phoeb & Josh

Phoebe, Phoebe, give me your chocolate now
I’m just weebly all for the sweets of Phoebe
I can’t afford’it in Harrods
And I’ve never put a thought into marriage
But you’ll look sweet upon a seat of an elephant made of balloons

Joshy, Joshy give me your toy cars now
I’m just a poshy all for the love of toffee
I can’t afford a parrot
And the donkey can’t reach the carrot
But you’ll look neat upon a seat on the curve of the silvery moon